At a recent conference on spiritual abuse, an intriguing and pressing question arose: Are women more sensitive to spiritual abuse than men?
The discussion was sparked by presentations focusing on the experiences of Catholic women, especially religious sisters and nuns, who have endured spiritual abuse at the hands of their superiors.
Defining spiritual abuse
Spiritual abuse was described as a particular misuse of power. It occurs when someone in a position of authority claims to represent the will of God and demands unquestioning obedience from a subordinate.
In such a relationship, the subordinate is expected not only to accept the superior’s will as legitimate but also to conform their life to it, often believing this to be synonymous with conforming to God’s will.
This misuse of authority, framed in religious or spiritual language, is what makes spiritual abuse so destructive and insidious.
Authority and obedience
The discussion made clear that the relationship between genuine religious authority, the practice of vowed religious life, and the reality of spiritual abuse is delicate and requires a nuanced understanding.
For women and men in religious life—sisters, nuns, brothers, priests, monks—the vow of obedience is often considered essential to the smooth functioning of their institutions.
Similarly, diocesan priests promise obedience to their bishops. These vows, while intended to sustain communal harmony, can also create a framework in which the abuse of authority is more easily masked or justified.
Broader contexts
In today’s context, discerning God’s will is not a simple or straightforward process.
We recognise that spiritual abuse is not confined to convents or monasteries but can occur in political organisations, families, dioceses, parishes, and religious movements of every kind.
Increasing awareness reveals that spiritual abuse often appears in subtle ways, especially in church organisations where cultures of silence prevail.
Criticism of neo-conservative movements, clericalist structures, or reform programs that subtly abuse people under the “spiritual” guise of “God’s will” or the “salvation of souls” is silenced.
Example of control
For example, where new evangelisation movements require baptised parents who request baptism for their children to undergo a lengthy evangelisation programme that is designed to ensure their “purer” faith commitment functions at the level of spiritual abuse when they operate as mechanisms of control, stifling freedom of conscience and personal discernment.
Catholic womanhood and restrictions
This raised another troubling dimension: the portrayal of so-called “authentic Catholic womanhood.”
Many participants observed that women in the Church often face unique restrictions—exclusion from ordination, limited authority over decisions concerning birth control and abortion, and societal expectations in politics, business, and parish life.
Contrasted with the experiences of men in the church, the possibility that women may indeed be more attuned to the signs and effects of spiritual abuse, precisely because they encounter more restrictions and vulnerabilities, seemed reasonable.
No definitive answer
The conference did not provide a definitive answer to whether women are more sensitive to spiritual abuse, but the exploration itself was significant.
What emerged is that spiritual abuse takes hold where power is unchecked and wherever obedience is demanded without dialogue.
In these places, an inauthentic authority uses coercion and suppresses authentic freedom.
- Dr Joe Grayland is an assistant lecturer in the Department of Liturgy at the University of Wuerzburg (Germany). He has also been a priest of the Catholic Diocese of Palmerston North (New Zealand) for more than 30 years.
- J.P Grayland’s new book Horizons: Essays on Synodality, Liturgy, and Global Catholicism) is available as an ebook or print book.
